When a Loved One is in Depression

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When a Loved One is in Depression
Posted by Deepak Chopra, M.D.
on Mon, Apr 09, 2007, 4:22 am PDT

Question for Deepak:
My husband has been very depressed and says he feels so empty inside. This morning he has been crying uncontrollably, saying he can't take feeling like this anymore.
I made an appointment to take him to the doctor later today because I'm really worried about him (he never cries and he started thanking me for all I've done for him). He says the doctor can't give him his "joy back."
He says that I love God more than I love him. He said that he's always wanted someone to love him the most. I know that I can't make him happy either. I want him to know that he is loved and to be happy.
He's a great human being, but I can't seem to give him what he needs. I've changed a lot over the last couple of years and that has been really hard for him. He saw me as having "saved him" and that made me into something that I'm not.
I'm concerned about myself, too, because even though I love him I don't feel responsible for him. I'm worried I'm too detached or perhaps not looking closely at something in myself. What's my part in all of this? I'm not sure what to do.
Answer:
Your part is to love and support him as you have been. It's good that you realize you are not responsible for his happiness. You need to remain clear that his pain is not about your loving God more than him or about the changes you've gone through the last few years.
You did the right thing in setting up an appointment immediately to see a doctor about his depression. It's true the doctor can't give him his joy back - but no one can give him his joy back except himself.
However, professional help and loving support can help him find his footing again and set him on his way to recovering his zest and passion for life.Love,Deepak